Tag Archives: boyfriends

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Ask J-Ro: Getting Back In The Game

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Idk what sort of questions you answer but any advice for someone trying to be more confident with boys after a long (5 yr) relationship where I didn’t really realise I was unhappy? I love your Twitter by the way & you seem so confident!

Oh thank you! I dunno about confident, but you’ve got to try and lift yourself up as much as you can don’t you? 🙂

So you’re out of a long-term relationship and you’re feeling a bit fragile, which is completely understandable. Five years is a long time to be with someone with whom you’re not 100% happy with, so naturally you’ll be feeling like your self-esteem has taken a hit. But fear not! It’s just a period of adjustment, so try not to take it all too personally. You’re still the same awesome person, and now you’re in a new phase in your life, which can be as exciting as it is scary depending on what way you look at it!

The most important thing is to carve out a social life for yourself independent of any guys you might have an eye on, so spend time with your friends and any hobbies or things that interest you. Throw yourself into life, have the laughs and focus on being happy in yourself. Have the banter and the flirts with the boys in your social circle if you feel like it, there’s nothing nicer than a bit of back-and-forth with the fellas to boost your confidence with getting back in the dating game!

Make sure you’re feeling happy in yourself whatever you get up to, there’s nobody more attractive than someone who smiles. Treat the guys you meet the same as your friends, after all they’re just people too, and they may not be feeling as confident as they seem. Don’t put any undue pressure on yourself to be super-confident, I don’t think anyone is ever always at the top of their game confidence-wise. Take comfort in the fact that when you really think about it, most folk are thinking the same way you do. Everyone wishes they were more outgoing & confident, the difference is some are better at faking it than others (me included!) 🙂

Most importantly, just relax and be patient with yourself. You’ve got some fun times ahead, and if you nurture the relationships with your friends, your happiness and confidence will flourish and the rest will take care of itself. Hope this helps! Best of luck!

<3

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Ask J-Ro: Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Rightly So…

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My last boyfriend was really shit and kind of abusive. I’ve been through therapy and am pretty unscathed at this stage. i’ve just started dating this new boy who i fucking ADORE, but i’m very very reluctant to open up about my past- which is weird, as i’m normally v open and honest. what do i do? 🙁
When it comes to opening up about past traumas or painful memories in a new relationship, I’m always of the opinion that you should take your time, trust your gut, and don’t feel pushed into revealing anything you don’t want to. Someone has to EARN the right to access those emotional parts of you that are hidden from public view. So it goes with starting a new relationship. I think you’re right to be reluctant in opening up, and it’s not really to do with your new boyfriend.

It’s fantastic that you seem to have sorted through it in therapy, and come through it ‘unscathed’ as you said. However, that doesn’t mean you’re not still going to be wary as feck about any other man that comes into your life. Being over-cautious and playing your emotional cards close to your chest in the beginning is a defense mechanism, and a natural one at that. You may be ready to move on and found a guy that you adore, but deep down in the part of you that was hurt, it’s understandably going to take a wee bit longer to feel safe and secure.

The outside world these days will tell you that when you meet The One, you’ll click instantly. Like two soulmates bonded together for life, there’ll be no barriers between you and all your mutual emotional secrets and dark sides will be exposed and your worlds will mesh together for blissful eternity…that’s bullshit. All that intense stuff takes time and trust and patience. My advice is don’t worry too much if you’re not opening your soul early on, if it’s looking like it’ll be a long-term relationship that will come naturally in time. Trust your instinct. If you really feel like it’s imperative that he knows about it, you can give him the general gist of what happened without feeling too vulnerable. But don’t be worrying too much. Enjoy the process of a new relationship! You are more than the sum of your past experiences, and I’m sure he’s with you simply because he thinks you’re an awesome person.

So go forth and let yourself be adored, and lose yourself in the buzz of a new relationship where BOTH of you can explore getting to know each other’s pasts and get stuck into making a new future 🙂

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Ask J-Ro: Naughty Narcotics

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What drugs should I take when I’m interrailing around Europe this summer? My boyf says yokes are good and they seem fairly safe bit he’s done coke and a lot of other stuff too.

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DUUUUUUDE! Interrailing? Europe? Drugs?? You guys are a Hostel sequel waiting to happen. I couldn’t have that kind of thing on my conscience. These are the days of the internet – the Mammy brigade would have my guts for garters on their very own “Lock Up J-Ro” page. If you want to come back from Europe in one piece I suggest you get your story straight with The Good Lord before you leave, because only the fun-loving carefree experimental young people get massacred to shit in those torture-porn box sets. Bring a Bible, only drink water and Barry’s tea, and catch a mass once a week to ensure survival.

But seriously, folks. I’m a non-drug taker myself, thus I have very little experience first-hand with them. So my first instinct is to tell you stay the hell away from them, just as a personal safety measure, particularly if you’re heading out to strange parts.

However, having chatted with mates who dabble recreationally, the general consensus is if you’re hell-bent on trying some stuff; be very careful and super-aware of the workings of your own body & mind – drugs hit everyone in different ways. It’s down to your own tolerance and brain chemistry. Personally, if I even got a sniff of an A-Class drug I’d end up coming around in a daze in a corner of a cell, wild-eyed with half my clothes missing, clutching onto a bloodied scalp and singing “Sesame Street” to a face I’d drawn on the wall. But that’s just me.

Whatever you choose to do, CHECK THE LAWS in every country you visit, just to be aware of the differences in penalties lest you get caught. I’ve heard things about Greek prisons that I can never repeat here.

For ACTUAL, honest, far more informed advice on the drugs themselves; Talk To Frank is a great site to visit. Hop over there for a look. And tell that experimental boyfriend of yours to take it handy and MIND YOU, whatever else he does. It’s not going to be much fun if you’re playing nursemaid in the middle of Zagreb while he’s tripping balls.

Now that I’ve lectured the arse off you, have a ball! If you’re the writing type; try and document as much as you can on your trip – there’ll be so much mad stuff going on and people to meet that you’ll only believe it happened if you go back and read it. TRUST ME.

Bon Voyage!