Tag Archives: boyfriends

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Ask J-Ro: All About Chemistry

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months. He’s sweet, funny and kind. The only thing is, I’m not attracted to him. I’ve known that all along but I’ve been trying not to be superficial. I tried to ignore it but now I feel like I resent him because I don’t fancy him. Should we break up?

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In a word; yes. Why are you with him if you don’t fancy him? Sure he’s sweet, funny and kind, but so are puppies and friends. And you don’t have to go to the effort of going out with them to get that. If you don’t fancy him, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend. The ‘fancying’ part is one of the fundamental defining points of a boyfriend or a girlfriend, so if that’s missing, you’re selling yourself short. You’re also not being fair to him; he deserves to be with someone who gets tingles in their tummy at the thought of being with them. Would YOU like to be with someone who didn’t fancy you? My guess is you’d be gone before you could say ‘Chemistry’.

You’re not being superficial by wanting to end it because he doesn’t do it for you, among other things we’re visually-stimulated creatures, and physical & sexual attraction is what separates a guy who is a friend from a guy who could be a potential love interest. It’s the funny feelings in our fuzzy bits that keep this world of ours turning 🙂

I could labour the point, but I suspect you know all of this. I think you’re maybe trying to find a way out of this without hurting his feelings, and without feeling bad yourself. I don’t imagine you were going to just grin and bear it for the next few years, having absolutely no sexual attraction to someone you’re stuck with just because you don’t want to be the breaker-upper. Unfortunately, it’s gotta be done. It will hurt his feelings, but you’re doing him a favour and it’s not out of nastiness; it’s out of honesty and respect. You’re giving the two of you the gift of freedom to have something way better with other people who will melt your butter in ways you never imagined. Sure who wouldn’t want a present like that? Go forth and take the step, it’ll sting but things will be far better for the both of you. Let some chemistry into your life!

Best of luck <3

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Ask J-Ro: A Bit Of A McQuandary…

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My bf cancels our plans all the time just cos he doesn’t feel like it or wants to do sometime stupid together like go to McDonalds, so I guess I’m asking should make it look like an accident or suicide? Or just straight up chop his bollocks off?
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I’d go for the bollock-chop, personally. Unless he throws in the odd apple pie and hot fudge sundae while you’re paying a visit to Maccy D’s, but that’s just me.

Seriously though, why doesn’t he want to hang out with his girlfriend? Has he got some other idea of what a girlfriend actually is? If he keeps telling you he doesn’t feel like doing things with you, then I recommend you develop a case of not feeling like doing him. See how long this Sexican Stand-Off lasts with Mr De-Motivator, and I’m pretty sure he’ll come around fairly quickly. Either that, or he’ll have to get used to coming alone. The lazy fecker.

I’m sure you’re awesome, so he’s lucky you’ve deigned to stick with him. Make sure he knows it. Go forth and kick his apathetic arse!

<3

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Ask J-Ro: A Few Good Men

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I’m absolutely torn between two lovely guys. I know them both for years & I have such a great connection with each of them, I have the opportunity right now to be with either one of them (both have recently asked me to give it a go), which should be fantastic, but i cant decide which one, any tips?

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That’s a nice quandary to be in, albeit a tricky one! It’s really down to chemistry at this point, if all the things you tell me are true and equal to both guys. If all of the boxes are being ticked, it falls to whichever chap can deliver everything you need on a long-term basis. Can you see yourself with one more than the other? Is one more dependable? More secure in himself emotionally, financially, in other ways? It sounds like both are very good friends, so either way you will gain something lovely and keep another friendship. I would exercise caution in how you go about it, however. Just be mindful of the feelings of both guys whoever you choose. My tip would be; all other things being equal, go for the one who gives you the most butterflies. Whoever you choose, there will be a sight element of risk involved, but sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and dive in! Good luck 🙂

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Ask J-Ro: Where Is The Love?

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I’m head over heels with my guy. We’ve been together a year & now started talking about marriage. But I can’t keep him excited in bed, tho he has plenty of “privet time.” I’ve tried EVERYTHING. He swears he loves/wants me but we haven’t had sex in months. I love him but I also love sex. Advice?!

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Ooh, that’s a tough one. A year is a very short time to be with someone and having a dry spell in the bedroom department that lasts for months. That’s a considerable portion of your time together where you’re feeling rejected and unhappy and you have needs that aren’t being met. It definitely needs addressing with your fella. Your sex life and intimacy level can often reflect how your relationship is progressing, and if it’s non-existent, it’s worth further investigation.

What I find intriguing is that from what you’re saying, he’s got no problem meeting his own needs himself in private time? So he has a sex drive of sorts, but only on his own. It could be an intimacy issue he has or some internal worries that are preventing him from being intimate and loving with you. Masturbation, as well as a sexual release, is a way to relax and decompress without any burden of expectation on the part of an outside party, so I wouldn’t panic too much about that. What’s more important is why you guys aren’t talking with each other about something this fundamental. If he’s swearing that he loves and wants you, then if he’s plainly not wanting to be intimate with you and it’s gone on for months, you’re well entitled to ask for an explanation or at least get the ball rolling on some proper honest communication.

Normally if there’s a sudden lack of interest in sex from a partner, it could be that they’re under a lot of stress in other areas of their life. Stress and anxiety are the ultimate passion-killers, so have a think about whether you have noticed any changes in his behaviour in other areas of life. Are there financial concerns? Could he be depressed? Has he worries and fears about the relationship and where it’s going that he hasn’t spoken about? You guys are only together for a year and are talking about marriage, and that’s a big step. Have you guys really, honestly talked about it and what you want from each other in the long run? Sometimes when things move as fast as that, things tend to take on a life of their own and it can be hard to pump the brakes and really take a look at things to make sure you’re both on the same page.

Let’s tackle the other fear that may be flying around your brain: infidelity. The old “If he’s not getting it from me, he’s getting it somewhere else” cliché can rear its ugly head, but in this situation, I don’t know enough about the relationship to say that it could be a factor. Only your gut instinct and evidence will present that possibility. This would be my ‘last resort’ suggestion if you haven’t gotten any satisfaction (so to speak) with any of the above.

Bottom line: Talk it out. If he’s not willing to discuss it, then to me that’s a way bigger issue than a lack of sex. No point in talking marriage with someone who won’t communicate with you about any problems or concerns they’re having. That’s far too lonely a state to be in. Talk, listen, and face whatever comes.

Good Luck!

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Ask J-Ro: In Sex, It Works Both Ways…

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I’ve been seeing my bf for 3 months and we’re mad into each other. There’s talk of living together and all kinds of long term plans. One problem. I go down on him and he doesn’t reciprocate. I don’t want to ask for something he doesn’t enjoy but I’m not going without for the rest of my life. Advice?
Oooh, it’s a tricky one! My first instinct would be to get rid of him because if he’s not willing to give you what you need to help fulfill your sexual needs despite the fact that you do it for him, I’d consider it a dealbreaker. I’ve heard from the senior women in my life that “If he’s selfish in bed, he’s selfish in life” – and I can tell you that it’s the truth. Real men take pride in the pleasure they give their other half, and it’s no chore to visit the South, if you know what I mean 🙂

But I hear you saying you’re mad about him, so it might not that simple. It seems that you haven’t broached the subject with him, which is an issue in itself. For something as intimate as sex and going down on someone, it’s so important to talk about it. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject of conversation. Good open communication is the foundation of a great sex life within a relationship. You guys HAVE to have a chat about this; your long-term sexual satisfaction is at stake here. If you don’t say anything and you guys are in it for the long haul, it’s going to be a source of resentment for you, and you won’t want to even go down on him in time because it will seem unfair. If sex becomes a battle-ground instead of a place of happiness and intimacy for you, that can only spell disaster. Talk, talk, talk. You may die a little at first, but think of what you may gain in the long run…

It may be that he doesn’t feel confident going down on a woman, or he may never have done it before – only he knows why he doesn’t do it, so chat with him and see why. The best time to bring it up, ironically, is while you’re having a bit of a post-sex pillow talk. Start by chatting about what you liked about what he DID do, ask him if he likes the stuff you do, then when he brings up you giving him oral sex, say something along the lines that you’d love to have that done to you, and you bet he’d be really good at it – or whatever way suits you! You could even tell him you read an article online that talked about sex tips and how to enhance women’s pleasure in bed and you saw one that tickled your fancy, so to speak..he’s bound to be curious, so let him have a read if he wants. If he’s as mad about you as you say, chances are he’ll want to be the kind of guy who makes his girlfriend feel like a billion dollars in the bedroom.

Those are just a few suggestions on how to broach the topic if you’re feeling a bit shy. I’ve put some links to popular articles from Cosmo below (The bible for topics like these!) so you have some evidence of things you’ve read. The first one is actually very funny, maybe you could share it with the boyfriend and have a bit of a giggle. It’ll make sure he won’t feel like he’s being attacked, and he may take your points on board.

Cosmopolitan: How Not To Go Down On A Girl

Cosmopolitan: Oral Sex Tips For Men

Go forth and get talking!

<3