J-Ro Vs Brain, pt 3

Me: “I just thought of something and now I can’t remember it.”

Brain: “I know what it is.”

Me: “Tell me then!”

Brain: “Well if you’re too lazy to make an effort to take notice of your thoughts…”

Me: “Every time you do this to me. EVERY TIME. How many is this now?”

Brain: “About twenty-three at my last count. They’re all really good ones too. One could even change your whole outlook on life and change things for the better.”

Me: “Which one was that?”

Brain: “I’m not telling you, all I’ll say is you moved it to make room for an episode of Jersey Shore a couple of months ago, and I gave it a good home instead.”

Me: “Joke’s on you, douchebag. It’s all in under my name anyway, so even if you steal them and pass them off as your own, I STILL get all the credit. There’s no technology available to let a brain function independently outside of a body yet. Boom!”

Brain: “Actually, that’s idea number seventeen. So one day you’ll wake up and be responsible for that dream coming true. Ironic isn’t it?”

Me: “I think it’s time I started electrocuting myself for fun…”

J-Ro Vs Brain, pt 2

Me: “I just woke up from a dream where I spent most of it dressed as Spider-Man.”

Brain: “I know, right? I knew you’d like it. You’re welcome.”

Me: “I wasn’t actually a superhero though…I was just wandering the town dressed as one. Like a crazy person. Or the loneliest stag party in the world.”

Brain: “Look, I did my best, okay?”

Me: “AND Betty White was dead in the dream as well. What the fuck?”

Brain: “Give me a break. It was a busy day. I can only work with what you give me.”

Me: “It’s because I watched those Made in Chelsea episodes on 4oD isn’t it? You just don’t want me to have fun anymore.”

Brain: “All I’m saying is this time last year I was reading the works of Wollstonecraft, Blake, and Shakespeare. Now you’re giving me dumb rich assholes staring vacantly into the distance while trying to shag each other in between so-called ‘random’ trips to Dubai on Daddy’s credit card.”

Me: “Fair point. Snobby bastard.”

Brain: “Keep reaching for those intellectual stars…”

J-Ro Vs Brain, pt 1

Me: “What do you mean, it’s not Sunday afternoon?? But mom put the dryer on…she’s breaking all the rules! I don’t know what to believe anymore..”

Brain: “At your age, people have mortgages. And children.”

Me: “I can’t hear you. I’m busy watching Jem and the Holograms.”