Being Single Is Great – But There’s A Lonely Price
Single? Happy? Despite your awesome life, do you get lonely? Have you answered yes to all 3?
COME SIT BY ME. puts kettle on
On foot of (and probably in direct opposition to) a previous piece where I worried if I had somehow painted myself into a sorry corner of singlehood in the pursuit of personal & career happiness, I’m now contemplating another aspect of grown-up girlhood: admitting to the world that you’re lonely for non-platonic company and wouldn’t say no to a chance at a relationship with someone. The problem lies not with the admission itself, it’s more the fear of being perceived as ‘desperate’ simply because you’ve been honest about a need within yourself.
It’s like saying it disqualifies you from having it fulfilled. You had the cheek to admit you wanted someone in your life? PAH. Puny mortal. Don’t you know the key to achieving a soulmate is to act like you don’t want them or anyone? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR IT, DAMN YOU. If I had a Euro for every time someone said to me with their head tilted to the side “It’ll happen when you stop looking”, I’d have enough dosh to turn my life into the end result of a Lotto ad. That, and “It’ll happen when you least expect it” can get in the fucking sea. BOLLOCKS TO THAT, I SAY. I’m lonely. I like my life as it is, but I’d also love to share it with someone. Is that too much to ask?
Love is not a prize only worthy of uninterested aloof parties – if they weren’t looking or interested they wouldn’t notice anything remotely resembling a relationship in their eyeline. But what if they do see it? Does it disappear? Turn them into stone? A pillar of salt? When does the lack of interest or aloofness stop being a magnet for love? If you follow the path of this logic to its natural conclusion, then the minute Janey Icy-Knickers warms her cold distant heart to her suitor, then he should totally fuck off into the wilderness because, judging by what I gather from all those smug coupled-up head-tilters, it only happens to those not ultimately in any humour for it.
It’s like the whole ‘looking for it’ thing completely negates anything productive you’ve ever done in your life. You can have a pretty decent life for yourself, but tell someone you’re a bit lonely and they look at you like you’ve just thrown your life’s work into a lukewarm open sewer. Heavens to Betsy, I really like where I’m at, but I’d also like a Someone. One doesn’t cancel out the other. It’s not an affront to the feminist cause or anything. If anything, loneliness is great juice for creativity, so there’s a plus side to the misery. Just ask my imaginary older lover:
As I wrote in the post previous to this, at this stage in my life because I’m not tied to the biological clock, I have all the time in the world to make a content, fulfilled life for myself that doesn’t have a man-shaped vacuum in it. I want to be in a position where, if the worst happens and I never end up with The One, I am still going to go to bed relatively happy with the little niche in the world that I’ve carved for myself. I don’t see anything wrong with looking that fear of loneliness right in its beady little eyes. I’m all about shining a light on the monsters under the singleton’s bed. Click on the link below if you feel like a read.
The reality is, not everyone ends up with someone. Some folk just ultimately end up flying solo. The sooner you face that fact, the more in control of your overall destiny you will become. At least, that’s what I think. I don’t want a cosmic union that could destroy me on every level if it goes awry. I want a partner-in-crime who will join me on adventures and dodgy shenanigans, with their own strong personality and some molecule of ambition or passion for – well, ANYTHING. Obviously I have to fancy the arse off them and they need to see me as the Queen of the Universe who they adore beyond all logic and reasoning, but that’s standard.
However, in the meantime, if I don’t have anyone like that in my sights and no options are forthcoming, that’s fine. I’ll still get lonely and miss the idea of cuddling on a couch watching The Sopranos for the fiftieth time, or having Spotify wars as we try and share our favourite Tom Waits tunes back and forth. Sure, I’ll feel upset and afraid of being one of those few poor souls in the world who may never know real love…but that won’t mean my life won’t be fabulous. In the meantime, I’m content to admit that sometimes I’m lonely as all fuckery, and I may even shed a tear to lament lost love opportunities. Them’s the breaks of being human. If you want to feel the good stuff, you have to acknowledge the bad stuff too. There’s lots to be learned from The Dark Side, as any Star Wars fan will tell you.
Probably. I don’t give a shit about that Sci-Fi stuff. But I’m told they’re deep. So whatever. Who knows anything these days? I sure as shit don’t. Laters alligators.