I’ve started seeing a guy, and it’s going well. We get along great, the sex is amazing, and hrs just generally a good person to hang out with. We’ve both been hurt in the past though, and we’re both hesitant. I’m afraid to let myself fall for him, and I think he’s the same. What do we do?
Ask J-Ro: When Past Hurts Become Present Issues
When it comes to recovering from being badly hurt in past relationships, I think it’s important to work at your own pace. The idea of moving on is great in theory but in practice it’s a bit more of a bumpy road than simply just meeting someone new and ‘boom’ everything is perfect. Real life is a bit of a gowl like that 🙂
Patience and communication is the best combination in cases like this. You will both have your own time-frame and process of getting over past hurts so by being aware of that will help lessen any worries or insecurities on each other’s part. But really when it comes to dealing with any emotional issues in a relationship, there’s no substitute for honest communication. I know it’ll be a big risk coming from a place of having been hurt before, but sometimes you have to power through and take a chance anyway, especially if you see a long-term commitment with this guy.
It’s also worth actually saying out loud to yourself that he is not your ex, and you are not your partner’s ex. You can’t make the next person pay indirectly for someone else’s mistakes. You have to tell yourself that every new person is a blank slate, a clean start, and enjoy the feeling of liberation that comes from that realisation.
Most of all, try not to allow your previous partner to occupy any more of your head-space. That’s an awful lot of power to give someone who’s not in your life any more. Make room for something new and exciting and issue-free! Be nice to yourself 🙂
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