Ask J-Ro: Pet Peeves

Our neighbourhood cat Simon uses us for our food, he sleeps on our couch, urges us to lavish him with petting and ear scratches as he eats our food then ups and leaves. Are we stupid to indulge this selfish cat in the hope he may one day love us?

 
Pic by Ken Coleman
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” – Terry Pratchett.
Ah, cats. Bunch of divas, the lot of ’em. Can you tell I’m a dog person? Don’t get me wrong, cats are great while they’re deigning to acknowledge your existence, letting you rub them while they act all snuggly and cute…with the emphasis on the word ‘act’. Don’t let them away with that shit for a SECOND.
Did you ever see Mean Girls? This cat is the Regina George of the pet world. We’re all their adoring fans just throwing ourselves at their feet begging them to love us. Sometimes it works and they’ll be gracious in their mercy by acknowledging your existence; other times they’ll start cleaning their assholes right in front of you, like “This is WAY more fun than you will ever be.”
If Simon was a dude, you’d tell him feck off and get his own food. He knows he’s on to a good thing here. By being a slave to his flighty affections, you’re only enabling what is sure to be a future dictator when The Cat Revolution starts. When that day comes, you’ll be the one shitting in boxes of litter while buck-naked, being filmed every second of your existence in case you do anything worthy of YouTube. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
In the meantime, take all the cuddles and snoozy cat-purring you can get. You can’t beat animal-lovies when you’re feeling blue. Make the most of his superficial attention and make him work for his food by snuggling you guys like a mad bastard. It’s all about Give and Take, you know.
(Until the Revolution, but that’s for another time)

About JayRow

Singer, songwriter, student radio broadcaster, teacher, commitment-phobe, depressive, loudmouth, Facebook obsessive, blogging addict, celebrity hassler, professional stalker, pipe dreamer, ambitious young thing!
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