Have Yourself A J-Ro Little Christmas…

Max. Help me... I'm FEELING.

Some tips and kernels of
wisdom to get you through the festive season…

  1. You can NEVER make enough gravy for Christmas Dinner.
    Families have broken down over lesser issues. Save yourself the
    trouble and make a gallon.
  2. Practice your
    ‘grateful face’ in the mirror at least two days before Ground Zero
    of present-giving kicks in. They will
    watch your expression closer than Cal Lightman in ‘Lie To
    Me’.
  3. When it’s time to clean after dinner,
    always offer to do the wash-up before
    any other task. Everything else involves lots of moving around,
    picking up, scraping, drying, putting away, wiping down
    etc..whereas you just stay in the one place – and end up with hands
    as soft as your face. Thanks, Fairy Liquid.
  4. Don’t bring your phone to the table. If you’re blogging
    about the trauma of a festive family get-together, grab some
    napkins and a pen and scribble notes under the table if you must.
    The last thing you need is an entire dinner-length conversation
    about how you need to ‘plug in’ to the family goings-on and you
    need to ‘get a real life’. Some people just don’t understand..
    *sigh*
  5. Get involved. Wear the paper hats from
    the crackers even though they dye your forehead bright blue. See
    Number 6 for added fun.
  6. Change the punchline
    of the crappy cracker jokes to surreal things like ‘blue fish’ or
    ‘In your pants’ as appropriate. That way you can spot the people
    you need to avoid for the next 12 months by watching who laughs
    anyway.
  7. Get up early Christmas Eve and
    pre-book your movie and TV choices to Record
    and Reminder – so if it pops up on
    Christmas Day and all you hear are roars of disapproval, you can
    relax when you see the little red dot on the Sky Box working its
    magic – thus looking all magnanimous and good-natured while dying
    inside because no-one will ever understand your humour.
  8. International diplomatic rules state that whoever is
    cooking has Shotgun when it comes to kitchen music. No
    backies.
  9. When the food snoozes kick in,
    and they will, you are honour-bound to
    take pictures of the unfortunate soul who passes out first and post
    them online with assorted funny captions.
  10. Lastly, if any fights break out on the Big Day, it is
    pre-agreed that someone outside of the Kill Zone is obliged to drop
    their pants and shuffle between the warring parties singing “It’s
    Not Unusual” until one person breaks down laughing or they just
    stop and stare in horror. Especially if it’s an elderly relative
    who has decided to take on the role of Pants-less
    Peacemaker.

Have a most awesome Christmas
amigos….

About JayRow

Singer, songwriter, student radio broadcaster, teacher, commitment-phobe, depressive, loudmouth, Facebook obsessive, blogging addict, celebrity hassler, professional stalker, pipe dreamer, ambitious young thing!
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2 Comments

  1. So, the gravy thing….
    Our old parish priest did the same sermon every year on christmas eve. It was about how in some families, things aren’t all happy clappy, and that christmas was a time to say sorry and hug and stuff.
    Every year, the same line… “And in some families, the christmas gravy is seasoned by the tears that fall from their eyes…”
    Gonna have to salt that gravy GOOOD this year 🙂

    Happy Christmas, ladycakes, and maybe meet you in real lifes sometime in the New Year 🙂

  2. That sounds like the best sermon ever!! Happy Christmas to you too my dear, I’m hoping to get in on that Stitch n’ Bitch you were telling me about soon!! We can solve all life’s problems through the medium of plain and purl 🙂

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