How to make sure you get a booth to yourself on a train
Pretend you’re having a text chat with someone, and every time you look at your phone, laugh out loud like a crazy person watching a Carry On film. Stay as serious as a funeral parlour the rest of the time.
Make up a mock cover for a book and call it ‘Hijacking for Dummies’, place it over whatever book you’re actually reading and make sure you read it with the cover visible to all. Every now and again put the book down and make little sketches in a notebook.
Wear headphones. Without them being connected to anything. Leave the open end on the table for people to see. Bop along to ‘the music’. Every now and again shout out ‘I LOVE this song!!’ To bring it on home take out one of your earpieces and ask the person across the way if they’d like a listen.
Use the following script and apply it to an imaginary phone call:
“Hello? Hiya! Yeah, I’ve just come out of the surgery now. Fairly contagious all right (cough loudly). More airborne than anything (cough louder). Yeah, the weeping and scaly skin should go in about a day (scratch arms and head furiously). Well I wouldn’t mind but I don’t want those antibiotics to affect my other meds….you know, the ones the judge put me on after the ‘nightclub’ thing. Exactly. Sure isn’t that always the way?? (laugh maniacally) So I decided to just take the antibiotic today. (pause) Ah, not too bad so far, but you know how I get in confined spaces!! (twitch head) Thanks for ringing! Talk to you later, Father O’ Reilly.”
Let it not be said that my blog doesn’t offer solutions for easy living…