Jedward: Cult Following or Cannon Fodder?

Jedward. So bad we can’t even bring ourselves to say both their full names. What the hell is going on with them?? The vacant stares, the leppin’ around the place like ADHD poster boys, the anti-gravity hair…why are we so fascinated with them? More importantly, why is there a full-force money machine behind the drive to make us so fascinated? I’m probably not going to answer any of these questions, I just like ranting without any research or backup articles. So on with the show…

These boys are clearly the love-children of Jessica Simpson and Ross O’ Carroll-Kelly (I am aware that one of those is a fictional character, nobody could possibly be that thick, but that Simpson young wan really makes me laugh sometimes). Ever since they burst on the scene I’ve been wondering how they have managed to maintain so much interest. The very fact that I’m writing about them in a blog is testament that their PR money machine is in good working order.

I’ll be honest here and say I’m sickened with jealousy. The very fact that these two young whippersnappers have gotten themselves record deals and endorsements on the basis of their sheer LACK of talent does sting a little in my pride gland. Having gone for X Factor auditions a few years ago myself out of sheer curiosity and artistic laziness, I realised that even though I could carry a tune, I probably didn’t have a sad story worthy enough to be told against a background of a Coldplay ballad while tears rolled down my face. I got through a few auditions but wasn’t selected in the end. Fair enough, I had a great laugh meeting all the (other) crazies anyway! But then along come these eejits, their only talent being that they looked the same, which wasn’t even down to them in the end…maybe their parents should have gone on and procreated some more live on air to show their own talents of twin-producing. They get the whole shebang, and without even having a sad story! Yes, I begrudge them…!

And then I watch them on things like the Late Late Toy Show and think ‘Ah, God help us, sure the little kiddies love them’…fine, give them jobs presenting kid’s tv shows, just for God’s sake don’t release any more music! That’s where my real rage lies…I hate the idea of them taking up valuable space in the artistic cosmos while the rest of us penniless singers and songwriters with dreams of our own slave over a hot notebook and instrument to write and perform our own work – in tune I might add – unnoticed by the majority of the world.

You couple them with the recent spectacle of the ‘leprechaun man’ from Mayo and you have to wonder what people outside Ireland now expect of us talent-wise? Pretty soon I’ll find myself apologising to all those American tourists I’ve slated over the years for thinking we were all a bunch of alickadoos hopping around our pots of gold dressed in green and Riverdancing…they’ve obviously clapped eyes on Britain’s Got Talent somewhere along their travels. It makes me want to cry into my Aran Jumper.

The jealous hater part of me sometimes daydreams about their fall from grace…but actually now I think of it, wouldn’t it be brilliant if,say, John became a wee preacher boy, all evangelical, and Edward became a Satan-worshipping crackhead, sniffing cocaine off the belly of a disgraced Miss World of a Friday evening?? Bring them both back on The Late Late at THAT stage in their lives, and you’ll find a new Jedward follower in J-Ro. Their Twitter would be some laugh to read then…

About JayRow

Singer, songwriter, student radio broadcaster, teacher, commitment-phobe, depressive, loudmouth, Facebook obsessive, blogging addict, celebrity hassler, professional stalker, pipe dreamer, ambitious young thing!
Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.