Ask J-Ro: In Sex, It Works Both Ways…

I’ve been seeing my bf for 3 months and we’re mad into each other. There’s talk of living together and all kinds of long term plans. One problem. I go down on him and he doesn’t reciprocate. I don’t want to ask for something he doesn’t enjoy but I’m not going without for the rest of my life. Advice?
Oooh, it’s a tricky one! My first instinct would be to get rid of him because if he’s not willing to give you what you need to help fulfill your sexual needs despite the fact that you do it for him, I’d consider it a dealbreaker. I’ve heard from the senior women in my life that “If he’s selfish in bed, he’s selfish in life” – and I can tell you that it’s the truth. Real men take pride in the pleasure they give their other half, and it’s no chore to visit the South, if you know what I mean 🙂

But I hear you saying you’re mad about him, so it might not that simple. It seems that you haven’t broached the subject with him, which is an issue in itself. For something as intimate as sex and going down on someone, it’s so important to talk about it. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject of conversation. Good open communication is the foundation of a great sex life within a relationship. You guys HAVE to have a chat about this; your long-term sexual satisfaction is at stake here. If you don’t say anything and you guys are in it for the long haul, it’s going to be a source of resentment for you, and you won’t want to even go down on him in time because it will seem unfair. If sex becomes a battle-ground instead of a place of happiness and intimacy for you, that can only spell disaster. Talk, talk, talk. You may die a little at first, but think of what you may gain in the long run…

It may be that he doesn’t feel confident going down on a woman, or he may never have done it before – only he knows why he doesn’t do it, so chat with him and see why. The best time to bring it up, ironically, is while you’re having a bit of a post-sex pillow talk. Start by chatting about what you liked about what he DID do, ask him if he likes the stuff you do, then when he brings up you giving him oral sex, say something along the lines that you’d love to have that done to you, and you bet he’d be really good at it – or whatever way suits you! You could even tell him you read an article online that talked about sex tips and how to enhance women’s pleasure in bed and you saw one that tickled your fancy, so to speak..he’s bound to be curious, so let him have a read if he wants. If he’s as mad about you as you say, chances are he’ll want to be the kind of guy who makes his girlfriend feel like a billion dollars in the bedroom.

Those are just a few suggestions on how to broach the topic if you’re feeling a bit shy. I’ve put some links to popular articles from Cosmo below (The bible for topics like these!) so you have some evidence of things you’ve read. The first one is actually very funny, maybe you could share it with the boyfriend and have a bit of a giggle. It’ll make sure he won’t feel like he’s being attacked, and he may take your points on board.

The Valentine’s Day Rhyme Massacre

photo (2)

(I)

Roses are red

My tampon is too

Guess I got my period

So no sex for you.

(II)

Roses are red

Do violets come next?

I’m not really romantic

So I’ll just send you a sext.

(III)

Roses are corny
Violets are naff
So c’mere and I’ll ride you
All over the gaff.

(IV)

Roses are red

So are my nethers

We’ve caught something nasty

Let’s get checked together!

(v)

Roses are liquid

Time is made of jelly

I love Surrealism

Microwave.

(VI)

Roses are red

You turned me own flat

But I stole some of your hair

So I’ll just clone you from that.