A Bus, Bon Iver and Bemusement

aka Adventures of a Tattooed Teacher…

As I write this I’m looking out the window of a bus winging its way from Heathrow Airport to Bournemouth for my second ever tattoo convention. I normally don’t do bus tripping, not because I’m precious or anything, simply because I’m a pukey passenger monster in anything with wheels or on waves. But this one seems okay so I’m taking the time to scribble away while I travel 🙂

I think I want a camper van. Or a Winnebago type thing. Just something I can hop in, drive off and sleep in. It’s the hobo soul in me I guess. But right now I’m looking out at all these staunch middle-aged men in short-sleeved light blue shirts driving their little caravans whilst not engaging with their spouse who looks pretty much the same as their husband bar a chromosome or two. The prospect of that is not appealing. But then I realise I’m fascinated by this species. I mean, all the bank holiday drivers I’ve seen in the UK all look so bloody serious. Like it’s a chore. As if an unspoken ancient law descends upon all the dwellers of the land….

“…That on a Holiday of Bank if ye be of relatively sound mind and body, between the ages of 45 – 75, moderately tolerable of and to your spouse, own at least 3 of the bluest or beige short-sleeved shirts in the land, aquire ye a nondescript black vehicle of 2 litres or more and set forth. Attach ye a home that is mobile to its rear and embark ye on perilous journeys across roads that begin with the letter ‘M’ and end in a number, listen ye to compact discs adorned with vocals of Andrea Bocelli or Katherine Jenkins and avoid all eye contact with your spouse. May no joy or visible expressions of happiness cross your faces until ye reach a destination that almost exactly resembles the place you left..except with more sand and water..(maybe not even).’

Fun times. I think I’ll stick to the National Express, where I can write about the people we pass on the motorway while Bon Iver serenades me and the sun shines in through the window over the gorgeous English countryside.

I still want a camper van though…

About JayRow

Singer, songwriter, student radio broadcaster, teacher, commitment-phobe, depressive, loudmouth, Facebook obsessive, blogging addict, celebrity hassler, professional stalker, pipe dreamer, ambitious young thing!
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